


Times Dan Hibiki Lost His Innocence (and how he never got it back)

by sadifura



Category: Street Fighter
Genre: Abuse, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, coping fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 00:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20573489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadifura/pseuds/sadifura
Summary: You were eight, and a group of older boys dared you to pull your pants down. Much to their surprise, you did, and they laughed at you and called you a whore.—You were ten, and your father grabbed your legs and made sexual jokes about the women on TV. You feel sick.—You were eleven, and your father is noticing you even more, and not in a good way. The nightmares are coming back. You want to die.—You were twelve, and your father died.—You are twenty, and after your mom says something, you try to make sense of this.





	Times Dan Hibiki Lost His Innocence (and how he never got it back)

**Author's Note:**

> Basically the IM COPING fic
> 
> Wrote thisbwhen bad csa feels were happening (nothing graphic just some stuff (not all of it) that happened to me projected onto dan)  
(The end is not something projected onto me, I doubt my grandfather wanted to secretly rape me tho my paranoia might say otherwise, and I’m not out as trans yet but I live for trans man dan)  
(Also for my general safety gou did NOT treat dan hibiki like that innmost of my fanfics, I just, have to process my grandfather groping my butt and making constant sexual comments about me ok)
> 
> (I don’t own the characters, all characters belong to capcom)

You were eight years old. A group of schoolkids, some older than you, dared you to pull your pants down. Much to the surprise of them, you did; you told them what size you wore and everything. They ran off and laughed, spreading the rumor that you’re a whore. You don’t even know what one is; after all, you’re only eight.  
—  
You’re ten and your father, Gou, is watching the Olympics with your mother. There’s a women’s volleyball match playing on the television; you’re bored out of your mind, of course, waiting for the judo competition to come on. You distinctly remember your father touching your thigh as he’s watching this, but you don’t know why. “Whooo-eee! Aren’t those legs on those girl’s divine?” He whistles at the television as your mom barely reacts. You feel uncomfortable, but you don’t know why. After all, your dad is making comments about other women in front of your mom! What if he wants to cheat…? You don’t think about it much, but you still feel sick. Maybe, you think, your dad wants to cheat on her for...you? That thought sickens you even more. And how do you know all of this about cheating, anyway, you think. How do you get so anxious about your own dad, who took you to his tournaments and treated you like a boy like you wanted, for just a comment about a woman’s legs? The thought disturbs you, but you push it back. Just repress it, Dan; if you don’t think about it, it won’t hurt you. That’s right, he stopped touching your leg after he made that comment! So you don’t have to worry, like you’ve been worrying for the past few weeks. Everything’s fine.

—  
You’re eleven, and you just got the first signs of puberty. Your breasts are growing in, your hips are starting to widen, and you’re getting taller. This makes you deeply uncomfortable; one, because boys aren’t supposed to look like that, and two, because you feel like your father is starting to look at you in a bad way. Of course, you could just have a bad brain; your doctor even said you couldn’t separate fantasy from reality. But there’s been some incidents that you can’t quite shake off; your father slapping your butt, or grabbing your thighs constantly, or making comments about how much older you look than most people your age. Your mom doesn’t say anything, but something about this isn’t normal. You know other people’s dads, and their dads don’t do this; he acts normal most of the time, but then he treats you like this and it gets worse. At least, you’ve never seen your friends’ parents do it in public, like he does; once he slapped your butt at a family gathering, and nobody did anything aside from your cousins looking vaguely uncomfortable. You feel unsafe around your dad sometimes, and you start having nightmares about him again, like the ones you pushed back into your mind when you were 10. You want to like your dad; you really do. But...why does he make you feel nervous?

—  
You are twelve, and your father is dead. He did nothing wrong; he was perfect and kind, and told jokes, and gave you presents, and treated your mom well. But why do you feel so relieved? No; your father was perfect, IS perfect. He couldn’t do anything wrong.

—  
You are twenty, and preparing to go off to college. Your sister is six, and you and your mother have raised her the best you could, between your mother’s screaming fits and the occasional moments she’d hit you. It’s a family gathering; your maternal grandmother had invited all of you to go to a ramen shop your mom liked when she first moved to Japan with your dad. Everything is normal; you and your grandparents and your uncles and your aunts and your cousins are all having dinner. Ran is a couple years older than Yuriko; they’re taking turns playing your Wii, playing Mega Man 10 by your favorite game company, Capcom. While you watch Ran repeatedly ram headfirst into a spike pit while swearing (who gave that girl her potty mouth, anyway?) and Yuriko is mad because she doesn’t want Ran to swear, you can’t help but overhear a conversation with your mother and her brother.

“I swear...Gou only married me because he wanted to cover up that he got me pregnant at 17.”

What? Your father did that?

“God,” your uncle says, taking a swig of beer, “I’m glad that bastard’s kicked the bucket. I swear, I knew that guy was a pervert the moment I saw him.”

Wait, Father did that? They’re saying Father was a pervert?

You try to jump in to say something, but nothing comes out but a nervous squeak. What is wrong with you, you ask yourself. Why can’t you say anything that’s on your mind? 

Your mom starts to cry, pulling out a handkerchief from her pocket. “He hurt me, and I know that he was trying to do the same thing to Mari...Dan, but...I can’t believe I just stood there.”

Father? Father hurt Mother like that? And what was that about…him trying to hurt him too? You couldn’t stand the silence anymore, the elephant slowly growing in the room, and you speak up.

“Mother...uh...I have to tell you about some stuff Father did.”

Your heart is beating out of your chest, and you can’t help but panic. 

All this has to come out now.

“Uh. Father...put his hands on me multiple times before he…”

Your mother grabs your hands and sobs into your chest.

“Oh, Mariko…I should’ve known what was going on; he did the same thing to me when we started dating! But...I didn’t say anything because I thought he would hit me or you or…”

Ignoring the fact she used your deadname, you hold her into your chest. “I know, Mother. I mean...I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Mother?” You ask, looking her in the eyes, “did...Father want to go further with me than just touching?”

Your mother looks away; “I don’t know, Dan,” she says, getting your name right for once, “I think he might have, but I don’t think he would have done it. He wouldn’t have gotten away with it if it was you.”

Rage burns in your chest; as much as you want to kill the man who killed your father, you want to kill Father even more. 

“Alright,” you say, turning away from your mother, “let’s forget about it for now. It’s all in the past.”

You say that, but remember the nightmares about him hurting you in the worst way possible. Did he really want to do that to you…?

You never want to know, anyway.


End file.
